Things I didn’t anticipate saying in parenthood:
Lewis, your body isn’t made to digest wax. Please don’t color your crackers and eat them.
E: see where I hung my fire hat?
Me: yes. Why don’t you make the step your office? You can organize your gear.
E: yeah! Wait. I need to check the clock. [looks at arm] oh. Nope.
Me: what time is it? Do you have time to set up your office?
E: no. I don’t.
Me: what do you have to do?
E: I have to go to RCIA.
After visiting his new baby brother in the hospital:
E: Levi is my baby and he is SO cute and I can’t wait to see his face. Dad, when will he be born?
E: Aiden K is my friend.
Logan: where do you see him?
E: Aiden K is my friend from when I lived in college.
E: I’ll see where daddy is.
Me: he’s pooping.
E: why?
Me: bc that’s what he does four times a day.
E: he’s a super guy.
[Levi is nursing and making a purring noise.]
A: I love it when he makes that noise while he’s milking.
E: dad, why you not bring a toy for me in the car?
Logan: Cause that’s not my job.
E: Yes it is. Your job is to fight the bad guys away from me and bring me my toys
Elias: here’s my sticker! Oh. It ran out of stick.
Francis: you know, if this was a real sword fight, you’d be dead.
Elias: well, only for the weekend.
