Elias Logic

E: Daddy, Lewis litewally just punch me. 

Me: How did you just use that big word in context?!

I was giving Lewis directions at the lunch table and he was arguing with me. Elias said “Lewis stop complicating it.”

Elias just measured Levi with a ruler And said he measured “5,  10, 11, M, N ounces and 5 dollars.”

Elias: Mom. I bet Jim Bash is gonna be at Grandma Susan's for coffee because it's Tuesday. 

Me: How on earth did you know it's Tuesday?!

Referring to the big fountain Elias asked

“Mommy? Why those are not raining?”

E: I want to take a bath. 

Me: it’s too close to bedtime. Not tonight. 

E: but I want a bath!

Me: you can take a bath tomorrow. 

E: Mommy can I have a bath or a shower? You can choose. 

Me: neither. It’s too late. 

E: make a choice or I will choose for you. And I choose bath.

Lewis: can I go to grandmas?

Me: no. She has a doctors apt. 

Lewis: I could stay with grandpa. 

Me: he works at the vet hospital on Thursday  mornings. 

Lewis: what’s that?

Me: it’s a special hospital for soldiers and other people who have served our country. 

Elias: and ninjas. 

Grandpa: I’m leery of those ninjas. 

While talking about Augustine’s bday party:

Elias: when is my birthday?

Me: not for a long time. 

Elias: I don’t have any birthdays. 

Me: then how are you alive?!

Elias: bones. 

Me: be careful when your (Duplo) guys climb the slide steps. 

Elias: oops. 

Me: it’s ok. It’s easy to fix. 

Elias: or Augustine will be mad at me. 

Me: well it’s easy to fix so he doesn’t need to get mad. 

Elias: [pause] oh, Augustine Burda. 

Me: 😂

Me: Did you have a good swim Elias? 

Elias: Yeah it was kind of embarrassing actually. 

Me: Why was it embarrassing? 

Elias: Because that girl Hella, she had slippers on and she slipped her feet right in and they were making waves. 

Me: That’s why it was embarrassing?

Elias: Yeah. 

Elias: This piece here [on his LEGO building] is a walrus protector. It will get shocked and protect us. 

Me: why does the crepe paper keep falling down?!

Elias: maybe it’s the lemur in our house. 

Elias went upstairs to get clothes. I waited for him on the couch, and suddenly I heard his voice. It sounded upset but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. I ran upstairs to see what was wrong. He was reading I Really Like Slop by Mo Willams out loud. Nothing actually wrong. 

Grandma Kathleen was helping Elias put on a pair of shorts and asked him if he needed clean underwear. He said no. Mom does that on Wednesdays.